The Road Never Traveled

Totally random thought: where the hell did my Pixies albums go? They have vanished off of my hard drive, which I only now noticed while I was very much in the mood to listen to Monkey Gone To Heaven. This will not stand, and now I must get up off my lazy ass and dig out my CDs, so that I may feed my monkey, so to speak.

There. Better. I can go on.

Unrelated to the Pixies thoughts:

That feeling, you know the one. It’s like when you’re riding a Ferris wheel and you just reach the apex of the spin, and for a split second, you are weightless and your mind is convinced that you are going to continue your rise. Or, to take a more sinister angle, it’s also that feeling you get in your heart when you’re driving on an icy road and you start to spin out, when you are losing control, and there’s a moment  where instead of tensing up, your body just relaxes and slumps to go along with the ride before your brain takes over and forces your arms to gently turn the wheel and takes your foot away from the brakes.

That moment? That is where I am residing.

It’s rather wonderful, actually. I’m feeling alive right now, awake and aware. Where am I going? Am I going up or down? Am I going to spin endlessly in a circle, or am I going to slide in a new direction and into unknown and unexplored territory?

I love this feeling. It’s like being in love, only free from the heavy shit that can go with that.

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s not completely unknown territory that I’m going into. Rather, it’s territory that I have dreamed and imagined and constructed within my own mind, but now I have turned onto an unmarked road and found that it leads into my wild, imagined lands, only they are real, and have been there all along, waiting for my arrival.

This is a most excellent thing.

I am being opaque, I know, and deliberately so. My wild lands? It doesn’t matter to anyone else reading this what they are, because you? You have your own magic places that put your heart into a spin, even if those places are as of yet undiscovered for you.

All that matters from this little note to you all is that when you see that barely-visible road, overgrown with vegetation, unpaved, unmarked… you should take it.

The universe provides.

Only sometimes it takes its own sweet time about it.