What we have learned today:
Porn is good.
Donkey porn is probably not. Probably.
Masturbating using a shop vac is definitely not a good idea.
Interns at the emergency room like to have a good laugh at a patient’s expense. Fuckers.
If you want to give a really good hickey? Shop vac, for the win.
Really good hickeys on your penis? Shockingly uncomfortable.
Peeing with really good hickeys on your penis? Frightfully uncomfortable.
Otter Pops pressed against the really good hickeys on your penis? The only source of relief you’re going to get.
P.S. – Send more porn!