Sophie’s Kitchen Stories

Story #1 – Sophie Likes Bacon Molly made bacon this morning, and Sophie? She has a jones for it like Jerry Lee Lewis for underage girls. This is why when there is bacon made in this household? We make the entire package. Sophie is a bacon vacuum. Today, for example, Molly has a plate of [...]

A History of Questionable Parenting

I don’t do movie reviews, but if you don’t like Toy Story 3, then you’re an awful, soulless human being who should be buried alive. I never get a weekend day off, so since I managed to score one today, Sophie, Molly and I all went to the movies (first choice of activities was actually [...]

Mr. Sandman, Bring Me a Gun

So I thought this was funny. I have trouble getting to sleep most nights. It’s a combination of things really: my biology, the fact that my wife is a giant bed hog, and that we are in desperate need of a new mattress. Usually I don’t get into bed until somewhere between midnight and 2am, [...]

A View From the Balcony

I am spending my pre-work Father’s Day watching the original, non-special edition version of Star Wars with Sophie, because as my daughter, there are certain things she needs to know in this world. Things like Han shot first. My ultimate goal is to have a cinefile on my hands, because I need someone in this [...]

Like A Good Neighbor, State Farm Will Screw Your Wife When You Aren’t Home

Imagine the surprise. Just imagine it, fellow mortgage holders. You log on to your State Farm account to pay your monthly bill, and you notice that it seems like they’re charging you less this month than they did the time before. Gosh. Did your rates go down? Was there some sort of special that you’ve [...]

Captain Barftastic & the Pasta Puke Cowgirl

Molly was about four months pregnant when the morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness was starting to ease up, which we both considered a good thing. She is not a big fan of the puking, and even less a fan of having to clean it up afterward, which meant that I had my fair share [...]

For That Not-So-Fresh Feeling

Sophie’s been doing really well with the potty training. She rarely has any accidents any more, and she’s starting to get the whole “wiping her own butt” thing down, which is completely thrilling, if you ask me. I can see a time just over the horizon where I won’t have to give any more of [...]

Straight From the Horse’s Vagina

Sophie and Molly went to the bookstore today, because the library was closed and Molly needed a book right this minute. Molly came back with a copy of Twilight, which I’m not even going to comment on, since I prefer my vampires of the Salem’s Lot variety rather than the sparkly hairless-chested Jonas Brothers type. [...]