Star Wars: The Haiku Pt. 1

Who wrote this prologue? Does any of this make sense? Shit better blow up Little ship, big ship Know what else is that massive? Your mom, hah hah ho! Threepio freaks out “We’ll be destroyed for sure!” Artoo calls bullshit Obi-Wan’s not home Tatooine6-5000 Princess leaves message Vader saunters on winks at favored stormtrooper but [...]

A View From the Balcony

I am spending my pre-work Father’s Day watching the original, non-special edition version of Star Wars with Sophie, because as my daughter, there are certain things she needs to know in this world. Things like Han shot first. My ultimate goal is to have a cinefile on my hands, because I need someone in this [...]

A Monkey On My Lower Back

The thing I find funny about backs is just how stupidly easy it is to do something to them that really, really, really hurts. Seriously. First time I threw out my back? I was in my late 20s, and I’d just been camping over a holiday weekend. I was packing up my gear, everything had [...]

Yes, I Am a Geek. Suck it, Trebek!

From the Get the Hell Out of Here Department: it was thirty years ago today that The Empire Strikes Back was released. I was ten years old at the time, and I remember being absolutely pissed beyond belief at the cliffhanger ending, and also trying to figure out at what point exactly I had stopped [...]